yay fat

(no subject)

Two 40-something-year-old moms both told me that I'm their "work wife" this past week... It was totally bizarre. I didn't have the heart to tell either one of them that I considered them more like a "work MOM". Then I did the math and realized I'm a lot closer to their ages than their kids' ages... It's kind of weird being 30, sometimes. Most the time it's pretty great.
yay fat

(no subject)

Ugh I feel so cranky/angry today... My period is a week late, I feel like I have extended PMS or something. My body has been giving me the indication that we are about to start bleeding for the past week but the big event has not come to town yet. I was hoping it would start on Sunday so I could get the worst of it out of the way before my work week starts again tomorrow... I was also hoping for that the week before. I was SO PISSED when I got on the Wii Fit this morning and my weight was up like two pounds despite my good efforts yesterday... Normally I would be annoyed, but this morning I was piiiissssssssssssssssssssed.

Anyway.

Fuck, I just typed a paragraph and then somehow selected it and deleted it. I don't even know how to do that shit.

Anyway.

I made my personal best soup yesterday... After my last attempt BURNED. Yes, I BURNED the soup. Well, it was more a matter of cooking at too high a temperature and scorching the bottom of the pan and the beans and rice that happened to be residing there. the whole thing just tasted burned and disgusting. It all went down the garbage disposal. It was sad. And super annoying. Especially since other people were supposed to be coming over to enjoy it. Sooooooo, yesterday I decided I was going to try again and keep it low and not walk away and forget it for too long and love it up. I put half the vegetables and beans in the blender so it would be thick without me having to add anything except spices. I made some beautiful wheat croutons as well. It was a big hit. Ben and Zach ended up coming over and having some so I felt like I redeemed myself or something. Ha.

I had a little baby sister in my dream last night... I kept holding her and calling her "sister" because I wanted her to know who I was.
yay fat

(no subject)

I'm concentrating on my health in 2011. Good nutrition, lots of water, physical activity, wayyyyyyy less smoking, earlier bedtimes, positive/thankful thoughts... I don't want this to be another one of those phases I went through, either. I want to feel good and I know the choices I've made in the past have kept me feeling depressed, fat, TIRED, unmotivated, sick, gloomy and despondent. Not to mention poor. My wife and I are supporting each other in this endeavor to make choices for our health, that we may spend a long and active life together and perhaps have a family of our own someday. Health and debt elimination. Good goals for a 30-year-old :)
yay fat

(no subject)

Soooo... I'm 30 now. I spent it in Las Vegas with my lovely wife. It was a great trip, but the best part was renting a car and driving out to Redrock Canyon... The mountains, the sun, the warmth, the views... Just amazing.

I forgot that some places in the country still allow smoking indoors!!! The cigarette smoke wasn't pleasant, but the cigar smoke was horrific. We were in the Bellagio one night just checking it out and I got a whiff of the tobacco my grandfather used to smoke... Carter Hall, I would know it anywhere! It brought tears to my eyes immediately... I still feel like the smell is right there, just beyond the point where I grasp it...

<3
yay fat

(no subject)

Last night Pathy and I were driving home in silence and I got the urge to start singing "I've... had... the time of my liiiiiiiiiiife, and I've neeeeeeever felt this way before..." and she turned on the cd player in the car and played the song because she had been listening to the Footloose soundtrack last :)
yay fat

(no subject)

I have had a two-hour documentary called "The Buddha" on my DVR since April... I've watched it a few times and am watching it again now. It's beautifully done and there is this one young monk that makes me smile every time he shares his thoughts... He's lovely, joyous, poetic and concise.

My body is getting ready to bleed. I don't see the point of it. Evolve, uterus. No cushy lining needed. Thanks.

My dream house is for sale. For 175K. Which is so much and yet so much less than I ever expected it would sell for... I wish I was even in the parking lot of the ballpark of being financially ready for a house. This house is the old school building in the town I grew up in. Built in 1928. Oh, hell: http://www.forsalebyowner.com/listing/A17F

I absolutely love that it still says "ROCKDALE SCHOOL" on the front of it. I wish that school was operating when I went to school, that would have saved us a bus ride or two, TamiBee!

***
arson, brevity, chaos, duality, enigma, finite, gravity, heathen, infamous, jester, king, lord, madrigal, noble, ordinary, personal, quest, radical, simple, tree, upward, vision, wonder, xylem, yang, zen.
***

"The mind is as restless as a monkey, the Buddha taught. Who you are, what you think of as yourself, is constantly changing. Like a river, endlessly flowing; one thing today, another tomorrow. There's water in a river, then there's water in a glass, and then the water is back in the air, then it's back in the river. The water's there, but what is it? That's a way to think about the self in Buddhism; one moment you're angry, the next moment you're laughing- Who are you? A seed becomes a plant. Wisps of grass are spun into a rope, a trickling stream becomes a river. The self comes and the self goes..."

God bless PBS.

This was one of those entries that has to be edited like literally five times.
utero

(no subject)

I've been in that state of mind I get into sometimes... Half in this world, half... ummm...? Just not. It is a combination of sullen and solitary. The act of staring into space, pondering the most random, implausible-yet-intruiging bullshit. Or worse, totally inane everyday worries bullshit. Introspective to the point of feeling turned inside out. I feel bad for my wife when I get into this mode, because we could not be any more opposite if we tried. But we love each other and try to remember and respect that one of is "needy" and one of us is "independent", as one of us would say. She's with her family right now, which is probably better for her; I feel like since I don't have the option to be dazed or solitary at work, once I'm out, it's on. I deleted half the music on my iPod because I was sick of the all music being so upbeat. Joni Mitchell and Pink Floyd are in my brain and my guts. During the Chinese Medicine/Shiatsu portion of massage school, we learned about how people are categorized by the elements... Long lists of personality traits, physical symptoms... Metal. With imbalance comes sadness, respiratory problems, skin problems, the urge to sigh... Earth nurtures metal. Metal nurtures water. Water nurtures wood. Wood nurtures fire. Fire nurtures earth. "Exercise is the best cure for an earth imbalance." Ugh. So lazy. Was doing so good. I know I'm fine. I know everything is fine. I just feel like one of those people who goes and lives in a cave by choice sometimes. I have that feeling and then I picture myself actually sitting in a cave alone... It's not that appealing after what I imagine would amount to a few days... It's just a metaphor for the space I want for my brain. And why am I reserving so much space for my brain anyway? It's just an organ. It's not ME. It's a receptor for information, not the one who uses the information to make a choice. Right? I know I am made of cells, but do cells make decisions? Who is in here? Where has she been? Where is she now? I picture myself as pure energy sometimes; everywhere, nowhere, bursting with light, fueled by joy, rocketing through space with a sound like an angelic tea pot ever-present. And then I'm born. Again.